Shelley Mallin

I've had depression most of my life. It started when I was about five years old. My depression took the form of tears. I'd often cry in elementary school. The teachers were concerned with my behaviour and would ask me why I was weeping. I couldn't answer for I didn't know nor could I say I'm depressed; my childhood was awkward and sad. In my late teens I was put on anti-depressants which often didn't work despite trying a dozen or more combinations.

Overall, my childhood contains memories I try to forget because of the pain and sorrow of my early years. Most of my symptoms were harsh and unrelenting. I went to a psychiatric hospital for the first time at age 19. I had a few tests, one being a brain wave test. It came out normal but I was in bad shape. Anti-depressants taken at that time were ineffective. Eventually I was discharged.

I worked as a temp for a few years doing secretarial jobs. My depression seemed to be light during that time. I was doing all right though I had little money. I went to college in 1983 and took a legal secretary course. However, I didn't work at a lawyer's office because I didn't feel confident to work in a fast-paced environment. I started a good full-time job in 1987. However, my depression got worse in 1989. I began seeing a psychiatrist regularly and taking anti-depressants; yet my crying spells worsened and started to affect my job. Finally in 1993 I had to leave my job and then went to hospital for the 2^nd time. Fortunately I had long-term disability insurance, so I could afford to live by myself. My weeping continued through the years; anti-depressants still were ineffective and I was suicidal. In 1999 I started volunteering at the MDA answering phones and sending out newsletters. My illness continued to be bad but MDA helped me. I had to leave in 2006 though, because my crying got out of control.

“Our dream was to expect that mental health services would provide their services to meet a range of reasonable needs which would respect the rights of the service user, and, that these individual needs and rights would be adequately protected by regulations, standards and laws. At the time the concept seemed somewhat fanciful and quite unattainable, but something to aim for and work towards. Today, we have achieved that fanciful dream, at least on paper, but there remains a need to see that dream fully functional. Human Rights protection, National Mental Health Service Standards and National Mental Health Policy, consumer and carer participation and partnerships were the stuff of those dreams and now do exist. We need to ensure that they become more than that, that they are fully enacted across every health service and in every mental health activity.” 

What can consumers do to ensure the dream? Create and participate in opportunities to be a voice expressing what options we would like to have for our recovery process, just like any other consumer driven market product. True, most persons with a diagnosis are not able to purchase their services, but the providers are aware that the best, most cost-effective services are the ones that produce results. And the best results are ultimately the ones we choose for ourselves through informed and collaborative decision-making. 

We all win when we become true consumers of mental health recovery services. 
 

Shelley Mallin