Sharon and Nick have been married for eight years; Sharon has a diagnosis of bipolar disorder and Nick is the love of her life. 

 

MDA: How long after meeting Sharon were you told about her illness?

Nick: We met in 1998 and married in 2000. Sharon was first treated for depression in 2003 and then was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2006.

 

MDA: Did you suspect either diagnosis previously?

Nick: I knew something was wrong having witnessed her highs and lows in energy and fluctuations in mood over the years. At first, I thought she was a workaholic but then I noticed she would do almost everything to extremes, even healthy things like exercise.

Sharon: Yes, I liked to go hard, until I would drop in exhaustion-always chasing that high and trying to run away from the lows. I've shown symptoms of bipolar disorder since about age 15 but we all thought I was an oversensitive and moody person. I did have some good years in between symptoms where my illness was a non-issue.

 

MDA: Nick how were you told Sharon had a mood disorder?

Nick: For the depression, I could see she was struggling more and more with chronic low mood and physical exhaustion despite sleeping so much. It was my idea that we go see the doctor about it in 2003. Sharon did well on medication for two years, until the medications stopped working. We tried more and more different anti-depressants, at higher and higher doses until one day in the spring of 2006 I came home from work to find the police at my house assisting Sharon during her first psychotic episode. She was taken to the hospital emergency ward and immediately treated with anti-psychotic and anti-anxiety medications. Two weeks later Sharon's psychiatrist did a full assessment and diagnosed her with bipolar disorder.

 

MDA: When you first heard about the diagnosis did you consider ending the relationship?

Nick: I didn't consider ending the relationship; I was just very concerned.

 

MDA: Had you ever had an association with people with mood disorders or did you have an understanding of mood disorders previous to Sharon's diagnosis?

Nick: I did not have any information or history with someone with bipolar disorder but depression runs in my family. In the past I had witnessed how depression affected my brother for a period, my grandparents for years (including periods of hospitalization), and my sister with postpartum depression.

 

MDA: When you told your family about your wife's illness what was their reaction?

Nick: They were very concerned.

 

MDA: Can you discuss anything you want to share around having children as it relates to Sharon 's illness.

Nick: When we married we thought we would probably have kids some day but now with her illness, we feel it would be much more difficult.

Sharon: I am not interested in having children, though I know for some people with a mental illness, they are able and willing to rise to the occasion.  I choose to instead give more to other family members and the mental health community.

 

MDA: What is the single hardest issue for you as a spouse in dealing with Sharon's behaviour?

Nick: When Sharon was psychotic it was hard. I had to watch out for her a lot and think for her since her perception was off. It was a 24/7 responsibility, especially when she wasn't sleeping much. Her parents came to help for a few days so I could get some rest. Things have calmed down a lot since then, but it still gets hard when Sharon starts to go manic. We are getting better at recognizing the early warning signs and knowing which medications can help.

Sharon: Side effects of the medications really put a damper on things though. Side effects by themselves can be really hard on a marriage after a while.

Nick: Yes any medications changes can be difficult since we usually don't know what to expect.

 

MDA: What changes, both good and bad, have occurred in your life because of Sharon's illness?

Nick: Her illness makes it hard to be reliable in terms of making plans. Her being off work is probably the biggest change. It was hard at first when she was completely disabled by her illness. As her illness has improved she can now do more housework than she did when she was working, so that helps me these days.

Sharon: Being off work has allowed me to finally get the help I need. I take my medication, get counseling, support and coping skills and I have been able to build a more balanced life. Hopefully I will be able to maintain this balance when I return to work.

 

MDA: Is there any assistance you sought in order to better understand Sharon's illness?

Nick: We have an excellent psychiatrist and I join Sharon at every appointment to give my perspective. Sharon is always very keen on learning more about her illness and is always sharing her knowledge with myself and others. We have also gone to various lectures over the years.

Sharon: I am very involved with the Mood Disorders Association of BC, to both give and get support. I have sought help from various psychologists and counsellors over the years. I also find alternative healing practices such as meditation, Qi Gong, yoga and Pilates are very helpful too. Regular exercise and proper sleep are also a must in dealing with this illness.

 

MDA: How do you take care of yourself when Sharon is in depression or anxiety or mania?

Nick: I make sure I can stay strong so that I can be there for Sharon. I maintain my favourite hobby, mountain biking, and keep up my relationships with supportive family and friends. Both Sharon and I are very routine-oriented so we both need to keep to a schedule with our eating and sleeping patterns and with regular exercise, etc.

 

MDA: What has been the most helpful thing Sharon has done to both care for herself make things easier on you?

Nick: Sharon wants to get better and always wants to learn more about her illness through books, the internet, videos, support groups and conferences. I believe she will continue to improve.

Sharon: We are able to lean on each other; we have excellent communication and can tell each other anything. Nick is the love of my life. We are both lucky to have very supportive friends and families.

 

MDA: Is there anything specifically that makes things better and worse for you as a partner of someone with a mood disorder?

Nick: Vacations, holidays, colds/flus, added stresses, changes in the seasons and weather, and any other disruptions to our regular routing and/or sleep schedule can really throw things off for Sharon. It is such a fine balance. Sticking to a routine and taking little steps to improve allows us to look back, even on a bad day, and see how far she's come from, say, even six months ago.

 

MDA: What has been enriched in your life because of Sharon's illness?

Nick: We have gotten closer in some ways. We have come to appreciate the good times more.

Sharon: We have managed to keep a good sense of humour throughout, which has helped a lot in getting through the hard times.

 

MDA: What special qualities do you see in Sharon because of her illness?

Nick: Sharon is driven, creative, thoughtful and caring.

 

MDA: What advice would you give others who are considering being with someone with a mood disorder?

Nick: Be ready for the challenges and uncertainties that come with the illness.